Wednesday, May 18, 2011

On being a Dreamer

So right off the bat I should tell you that this isn't gonna be one of those blogs about visualization or the kinds of dreams that involve glitter and rainbows and dragons with pink wings.  I'm not talking here about pleasant planning for the future.  Even with years of work on having a more positive view of life I'm still very much on the pessimistic side of things. I don't have those kinds of dreams...ever.  The person in our family who dreams like that is my husband. He would like me to add that there has never been any glitter in any of his dreams, but I don't believe it.

My glitter dreamer and our gorgeous daughter.

The kind of dreams I wanted to write about today are the kind you have when you are sleeping.

As far as I can discover dreaming is something that infests my entire family in various forms.  As a matter of fact I don't think a single person in my house when I was growing up ever had a peaceful night.  My mother is the only one of us that never talked about dreaming herself, but as she was up with one of us nearly every night she never got a full night of sleep either.

My brother and I both sleepwalked when we were younger.  Thankfully we also had a habit of dragging our blankets behind us like Linus from Peanuts so my mother always woke to find us. Her favorite story was finding me pawing through the curtains in the living room searching desperately for my brother who I swore I had left there earlier that day.  My son also sleep walks.  He regularly shows up next to my bed or wandering in the kitchen.  Like my mother before me I gently steer him back to bed, tuck him in, and assure him of my love and support no matter where he thinks he is.

We also all talk in our sleep.  I remember waking up deep in the night hearing my father shouting and my mother waking and soothing him back to sleep.  My brother murmured and spoke the night through, and my first husband took great delight in engaging me in conversation trying to figure out where I was and what I was doing then telling me the next day.  Both Tucker and Seraphyn talk in their sleep just like Tucker's case sometimes loud and long discussions that wake up the entire house.

But there are odder forms of dreaming that run through the family as well.  My father and I used to share dreams, either having the same dream the same night from the same point of view, or seeing and talking to each other in dream time. We also both shared prophetic dreams, both catching glimpses of things that were coming and we could possibly change.  I remember a long conversation my father and I had about this kind of dreaming.  He was, at this time, a log truck driver and he made a point of taking either my brother or I with him as often as he could.  He explained to me that yes he had these dreams too, but he had become a Christian and believed they were sent by Satan.  He had refused to listen to his dreams and they had faded.  He encouraged me to trust those dreams and change things for the better if I could and I've always followed that advice.  Neither of my biological children have experienced these kinds of dreams yet, but they hit me about puberty so maybe they will appear in a few years.

The last kind of dreaming is the worst in my experience.  These are the dreams that appear right on the edge of waking and send you screaming into consciousness.  I don't mean nightmares...those you wake up and realize aren't real.  I'm talking about being awake and having your dream follow you.  I've had dragons breathing fire fly out of the walls, my husbands arm turn into a snake and slither off the bed, and last night I woke up screaming twice seeing a huge black dog standing next to my  bed breathing in my face.  And just to be perfectly clear I don't do drugs, take mind altering medications, drink to excess, or do anything else to cause these.

I'm not really sure why I'm sharing this kind of thing on an open blog.  I've never even told my closest friends most of these things, but I woke up today with this blog burning in my mind and itching in my fingertips asking to be let out. What I was supposed to write and how I was supposed to phrase it has been knocking against the walls of my brain distracting me all day, and to me that is a direct order from Deity that I am not about to disobey.  So now it's out.  Maybe there is someone out there who needed to read this and know they aren't alone.  Either way I'm off to take a nap...I had a rather busy night!

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